


Black on White

by thetroll



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Post-Canon, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 06:03:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20371891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetroll/pseuds/thetroll
Summary: Time brings many changes and, with it, new perspective and direction. In Kagome's case, it leads her down a path she would have never traveled on her own accord.





	Black on White

Kagome looked up on the sky from her position on the ground, unable to will herself to move.

Something was wrong with her, that much was obvious.

She draped an arm over her face, blocking out her view of the blue sky. _I should car_e_,_ she reflect, _but I don't. I should be angry, I should be hurt, but I'm not. I just don't have anything more of me to give._

No one could say that she hadn't tried. She'd given it her all but she'd still failed in the end.

_Perhaps that's really who I am. Someone who fails._ At that sobering thought, she mentally tallied her failures._ I failed to keep the jewel safe and whole. I failed to keep the shards out of Naraku's hands. I failed to pass college entrance exams, even if I did graduate high school. I failed my friends in the future when I abandoned them to come here. I failed my family, too, by leaving them to come live here. I failed to get InuYasha's full heart... And I failed my friends in this era, too, by not being happy here even after I came back for them._

She heard the footsteps but didn't bother to move.

"Are... Are you mad, K'gome?"

She knew without looking that InuYasha's expression was full of quiet panic. He still cared about her—he just didn't love her the way he'd loved Kikyo and they'd both known it. He'd tried, as had she, but it had been doomed before they ever started.

"No," she said tiredly. What was the point of anger, anyway? It was too exhausting. 

"But you're not happy," he prodded and she knew if she'd looked at him, his ears would be twitching.

She considered his comment. "It's not you," she said finally, letting her arm fall away. It wasn't really the answer he was looking for but she was too tired to come up with anything else. "Be happy, InuYasha. Don't worry about me."

He sighed loudly as he dropped to sit cross-legged in front of her. "Aiko needs me," he said awkwardly, rubbing his neck with his hand.

_And you don't._

That was left unspoken but she understood anyway.

"I know," she said, because she did. Aiko was the daughter of a daimyo's favored samurai family. A respectable girl, all things considered, who could have set her sights much higher than InuYasha under normal circumstances. But as was all too common in the feudal era, nothing was normal anymore. The daimyo had begun warring with a nearby daimyo over some perceived slight and this had resulted in the deaths of all of Aiko's living male relatives. Aiko, her mother, and her sisters, now penniless, had been tossed out of their home and had been forced to leave. Under ordinary circumstances, perhaps, things might have been different, but no one had any time or money to spare on women who only had family honor and lineage to go off of.

They'd left with only what they could carry and had been predictably besieged by bandits not long after they'd left. InuYasha had arrived in time, saving their lives, and Aiko, the eldest daughter, had tearfully betrothed herself to her savior in the hopes he would take pity on the rest of her family. She'd been too afraid he, as a hanyo, would harm them, and had been willing to sacrifice everything, even her own life, to persuade him otherwise.

Kagome didn't know when it happened, but it hadn't mattered. InuYasha's heart had softened. It wasn't love, they all knew that, but Kagome suspected that love would grow between the two in time. For now, Aiko lived in the village by the well with the rest of her family in Kaede's hut while InuYasha and the other villagers worked on building them a new one—one InuYasha would eventually share. Aiko took her duties seriously as the betrothed of the village protector. She catered to him as only a woman born in this era could. Even Aiko's younger sisters had taken to fawning over InuYasha and her mother had begun softening to the brash warrior.

InuYasha reveled in the attention. Aiko could and had made InuYasha the center of her world, something Kagome's independence refused to let her do.

"Keh." InuYasha rested his claws on his knees. "I ain't abandonin' ya, K'gome. You're important to me, too."

"I know," she said again, her tone more than a little listless. "But you have a family who needs you, InuYasha. They need to come first."

"Kagome, I—" 

"InuYasha-san!" Aiko came running up to InuYasha, looping an arm through his as she tugged him to his feet. She shot Kagome a triumphant look as he allowed her to pull him up, but Kagome couldn't fault the other woman for that. Aiko saw Kagome as a rival and sought to prove to herself and everyone else that she alone had a claim to the hanyo. "I'm so sorry, miko-sama, but Mother insists on measuring InuYasha-san and sewing his wedding clothes himself."

The look on her face was almost pitiful—or it would have been if Kagome herself hadn't been aware that she'd wore the expression a time or two herself, back when Naraku and Kikyo had still been around.

"Of course." Kagome didn't move. "I need to meditate," she added as a way to explain her position on the ground. She was well aware that it wasn't proper for a woman in this time, priestess or not, but she didn't care that Aiko thought it wasn't proper. She just didn't feel like dealing with Aiko's mother's censure later on.

She saw InuYasha's conflicted expression but ignored it.

"Mother insists on the formal white shiromuku, of course," Aiko chattered on as she steered InuYasha towards the visit. Kagome didn't even want to know how Aiko would be able to afford such an expensive and elaborate kimono for the wedding; InuYasha had been doing well with Miroku on their minor-yokai slaying business, but not _that_ well. "It's only proper, after all, and there's just no talking her out of it. Oh, but then there's my sisters to consider, too, and of course, your friends Miroku-san and Sango-san. Oh, but would it be insensitive to invite them? They weren't brought up in a house like mine, so they didn't have the same opportunity for their wedding..."

Aiko's voice continued to chatter blithely as she walked further away. For all of Aiko's constant chatter, Kagome had already learned that she didn't mean to be malicious. It certainly wasn't her fault that her mother tried to maintain the standard of living they'd had before her family had died. Aiko tried her best to be as demure as her mother but at the same time, to her credit, she truly wanted to be friends with InuYasha's friends, especially Sango, who she seemed to especially revere. Sango wasn't quite as fond of the younger woman but for InuYasha's sake, she tried.

In the distance, Aiko's mother lingered as a careful chaperone to Aiko's honor. She heard Aiko's mother greet the two as they approached her, but their voices were too far away for her to catch much of what they said.

Kagome continued to lay there long after the three had left. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of anything.

"Kagome-sama?"

Kagome opened her eyes and found Rin lying on her side next to Kagome. Rin smiled and Kagome sighed, deciding her search for quiet was simply not to be.

"Yes, Rin?" she asked, having long since given up trying to get the younger girl to call her anything else.

"You look sad," Rin observed. Kagome wished the girl was less observant.

"I'm just tired." The excuse sounded pathetic, even to Kagome's ears. "It's hard not having anything to do around here," she added, hoping that would appeal the girl.

Rin seemed to think about that. "Oh!" She clapped her hands. "Then you should come with, Kagome-sama."

Kagome just looked at Rin, not following.

"Don't worry!" Rin chirped. "Sesshomaru-sama will not say no!"

Kagome's eyes widened. "Rin, that's not necessary—" 

But Rin didn't let her finish. She scrambled to her feet before tugging Kagome to her own. "Don't worry, Kagome-sama. Rin will help you get ready. You'll have fun. You'll see!"

Kagome could only sigh and hope Sesshomaru wouldn't be too irritated by Rin's ploys when he gave his own refusal.

.

But Sesshomaru _didn't_ refuse, much to Kagome's surprise when he appeared at the outskirts of the village that night. Instead, he'd not said anything at all and Rin had taken that as his silent permission.

So when Sesshomaru turned and left, he had Rin and Kagome in tow. 

At first, she'd suspected they weren't going anywhere in particular. Once in awhile, Sesshomaru spent a day or two walking around with Rin and at first, that's what it appeared to be. But when they didn't turn around that morning or the following night, she began to wonder. By the third day, she realized they were traveling further and further from the village. If Sesshomaru intended on returning them, it wasn't any time soon.

She'd likely miss InuYasha's wedding at the rate they were going but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Traveling with Sesshomaru was... Interesting. He didn't say much but unlike InuYasha, he seemed to know when they were tired or dirty or hungry and accommodated the travels as needed. He quietly ensured their needs were met, all without brash posturing on his end or nagging on Kagome's.

It was...nice. She was content to let him set the pace and lead her wherever it was that he intended to go.

As the days turned to weeks, she finally began to realize that Sesshomaru _was_ leading them somewhere particular. Kagome had stopped thinking of how long they'd been traveling—mostly out of her own guilt over leaving her friends behind without a word—but at some point, they approached a mountain and had begun to climb.

And, at some point, the mountain grew steeper until she almost doubted her ability to finish the climb. When the path became treacherous, Ah-Un appeared with Jaken on its back and they scrambled on, following as Sesshomaru took to the air on his cloud. From there, they flew into a cave deep within the mountain. 

Kagome stepped off of the dragon and gasped. Whatever she'd been expecting, it wasn't _this_. She'd thought that perhaps Sesshomaru had rested within the cave like dogs and wolves were known to do. Instead, he led them through the cave on foot until they were on the other side. She was aware of passing through a barrier but hadn't given it much thought until she saw the sprawling paradise before her.

The shiro was massive and surrounded by fields and even a village. It was large enough that even a small daimyo might be jealous if he laid eyes on it but the only living beings she saw or sensed were yokai or hanyo.

"Is this your home?" she asked Sesshomaru curiously. She didn't know if he'd answer but she hadn't been able to stay quiet.

"Hnn." His nod was slight. 

"It's gorgeous," she breathed.

"It is new."

She turned to blink at him, surprised by the offer of information. "How new?"

"The final touches were only recently completed." It was the most he'd said since she'd tagged along. "But Rin and her mate were worth the trouble."

Kagome gaped. Rin was fifteen now, as old as Kagome had been when she'd first arrived in the feudal era, but somehow she'd never thought the girl was old enough to date, let alone marry. Suddenly the grand size of the shiro made sense—it was large enough to hold several families and their growing brood, should Rin's descendants choose to stay after she passed on.

"Her mate?" She looked at the girl who had run ahead of them.

"Hnn." She looked back at Sesshomaru who met her gaze with his own blank expression. "Haruto. Rin chose him."

That explained why Sesshomaru seemed unperturbed by the news of his ward marrying.

He glanced ahead of them and she followed his gaze to see Rin embrace a young man who couldn't have been much older than Rin. "I see. Is he...?"

"Yokai? No. He is hanyo. Horse," he added, as if sensing her next question.

"Huh." Kagome studied the two. Unlike Jinenji, who was also a horse hanyo, Haruto seemed more human than yokai, with honey brown eyes and reddish brown hair. He didn't have any of the flamboyant coloring some yokai had and there was nothing about him that really seemed to scream his heritage. His features were delicate and refined, as many yokai and hanyo were, but as he turned to walk with Rin into the shiro, she noticed a very obvious trait of his heritage: a horse tail.

She blanched but Rin didn't seem bothered by it. If anything, Rin seemed happy. 

"Right." Kagome sighed; it seemed everyone had found the secret to happiness except her. "Well, I'm happy for her. But... won't her children be quarter-yokai?"

She heard an odd choking noise beside her but when she turned around, Sesshomaru's face was blank. "There is no such thing," he advised her in that haughty tone of his. "Her children will be human."

"Huh," Kagome repeated, considering that. "I guess that explains why I haven't seen any quarter-yokai." A question popped into her mind. "But what happens if two different kinds of hanyo have children?"

Sesshomaru raised a brow. "They would have children," Sesshomaru replied in that infuriatingly calm voice of his.

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "You know what I mean."

She swore she saw him smile but it was gone so quickly she couldn't be sure. "The resulting offspring may take after one parent or the other but most often, the resulting offspring take after neither yokai heritage and appear human."

Kagome decided to reflect on that later. "So you built all of this to keep them safe?"

Sesshomaru didn't answer and that, she decided, was answer enough. He simply walked into the shiro and Kagome, seeing no other alternative, followed him.

.

The wedding was the next day. Kagome stood beside Sesshomaru awkwardly, unsure of what else she should be doing, but there was no denying Rin's and Haruto's happiness. Once the ceremony concluded, Rin and Haruto were ushered into their wing of the shiro to begin their married life together. They, Sesshomaru had advised, would not be disturbed for a month as they adapted to the changes their marriage brought.

That left Kagome with no one to talk to but Sesshomaru. The yokai and hanyo in the shiro and surrounding village were too nervous to talk to her, even after she set aside the priestess garb. Her powers, it seemed, couldn't be hidden away.

Still, trying to have a casual conversation with Sesshomaru was easier said than done. 

"So what happens next?" Kagome asked, observing Sesshomaru as he attempted to read through a scroll in peace at his desk. She sat on a cushion beside him after his earlier attempts to chase her off had proven unsuccessful. "With you, I mean. Will you stay here?"

"There is nothing pressing that requires this one's attention." Sesshomaru, over the past few days, had begun answering her as if he realized she would only keep asking until he did.

Kagome sighed as she rested her chin on her hand that she'd propped up on his desk. "Me either," she admitted. 

Sesshomaru considered her for a moment, looking up at her from his scroll. "The hanyo?"

She waved her other hand. "Marrying someone else. A samurai's daughter."

"Hnn." Sesshomaru seemed to think about that for a moment. "At least he marries according to his station."

"Hey!" Kagome took immediate offense, guessing that Sesshomaru had all but been saying that she _hadn't_ been. "I may not be a samurai's daughter, Sesshomaru, but I'm not useless, either!"

"This one is aware." His gaze dropped back to the scroll he held. "But the Shikon priestess is a far more rare commodity than the hanyo."

Kagome flushed, pleased at the surprising compliment. "Oh."

"If one is willing to look past your brash demeanor," he added casually, souring her mood.

She clicked her tongue but remained silent. One thing she'd learned was that one did not simply win a battle of words with Sesshomaru.

.

Several days later, Kagome lay out in his garden, uncaring that the grass was likely staining one of the kimono Sesshomaru had acquired for her and just as uncaring of what the others thought of her. She thought best this way but her thoughts were too tumultuous to settle on any one thing.

"You are unsettling the servants."

She watched Sesshomaru's boots come into view out of the corner of her eye.

"I need to think." She watched a cloud float over their hidden mountain paradise.

"And this requires your current position on the ground?"

She didn't need to see his expression to know he'd raised a brow. "It's how I think," she explained, hoping that would be enough to placate him.

"Hnn." He settled down beside her but did not lay out. Instead, he kept a perfect sitting position, resting his claw on one knee. "And this requires the upset of this one’s servants?"

Kagome shrugged. "They don't like me anyway."

He was silent for a moment. "It is not dislike," he commented after a moment. "They can sense your power. It... overwhelms them."

Well, she could understand that. Sesshomaru's own power had felt like that from time to time.

"Aside from this one, you are the most powerful being here. That you are human only unnerves them further." His voice had lost its usual caustic manner, as if he was making an attempt to soothe her. "You have no ties to yokai so they are uncertain of your purpose here."

Kagome snorted. "So if I marry a yokai, they'll suddenly be okay?"

"Perhaps." His tone didn't seem convinced one way or the other. "Will you marry?" he continued after a moment.

"I don't know," she admitted. It had been one of the questions on her mind ever since she'd returned. Once, she'd have given everything for a family and children, but now... "I guess if I met the right person."

Sesshomaru didn't reply.

They both sat in silence after that but Kagome found she didn't mind Sesshomaru's quiet company.

.

Kagome sat across from Sesshomaru, trying and failing to best him at another round of go. It had been his suggestion to play when he'd found her out lying in his gardens yet again, but he was a much better player than she'd taken him for. Kagome had grown up playing with her grandfather, who was been among the ranked _dan_ throughout her youth, and she was by no means a poor player, but Sesshomaru still managed to catch her by surprise. 

Of the games they'd played so far, Sesshomaru had won all but one. She took solace in the fact that she'd kept each game going for at least an hour or more before losing, but it wasn't much of a consolation when she tallied her many losses over the past few days. It had become a daily ritual for them, setting up the game and playing each morning after she'd had breakfast.

Currently, it looked like she'd inadvertently thrown the game with the last few stones they'd each placed. Evidently she’d been more lost in her thoughts than she’d realized. If Sesshomaru didn't best her this round, he would the next.

She sighed as she watched him move the white stone into position, cementing the 'demise' and capture of her remaining black stones. 

"You're a good player," she finally commented as he silently began resetting the board. He never openly vocalized his win but then he didn't need to. They were both adept enough at the game to recognize it.

"This one was taught by his mother. She is considered the best player in all the Inu clans."

She tried not to show her surprise at the volunteering of personal information and the fact that his mother was apparently still alive. "I was taught by my grandfather. He's considered a very good player amongst humans, too. Not the best, of course," she added hastily, "but he competes in tournaments regularly and he often wins. He always says it's the journey of the game and what he learned along the way that's most important, not whether he lost or won."

Kagome herself had lost to her grandfather far more than she won, so she'd always suspected he'd said that as a way of pacifying her for her loss.

"This one's mother often claims it is the experience of the players that is most important," Sesshomaru replied casually. "There is much, she claims, the players tell each other during the game if one is skilled enough to recognize it."

_Like tells_. Kagome nodded, seeing why his mother might say that.

"So what does my playing tell you?" she asked, curious.

"That you hate to lose," was his instant reply and she flushed. "And you are too unwilling to sacrifice any of your stones if you can help it, even if it would yield an advantage for you."

_Well, he's not wrong,_ Kagome admitted to herself. Kagome tended to play a more conservative game of go, focusing more on staying alive than capturing territory or Sesshomaru's own pieces. Sesshomaru, on the other hand, was in a whole other class and most of his moves forced her to take action, keeping her further on the defensive. Playing with him felt more like prey racing from a predator than anything else.

"Well, you prefer to remain in control," Kagome observed as they began the second game of the day. "You have an aggressive play style and you're constantly trying to dominate me."

His eyes met hers and she swore he was laughing internally at her. "Of course," he replied, an elegant hand stretching out to lay another white stone on the board. "This one is, after all, a predator yokai."

She studied the board as her hand absently reached out to bring a cup of cooling green tea to her lips. She considered her possible options and, as she set the cup down again, she made another move. She swore he was teasing her with his comment so she resolved to ignore it. "Well, you're a much better player than even my grandfather, that much is obvious."

As much as it pained her to admit it, even Jii-chan would have ended up losing to Sesshomaru more than he'd win. Sesshomaru was just _that_ good.

"This one is elated to know he could win against a frail old human," Sesshomaru replied dryly.

Kagome pretended she didn't hear and as the game grew more involved, the conversation between them dissipated. 

.

As the time of Rin's and Haruto's seclusion drew to an end, Kagome found herself spending most of each day with Sesshomaru. They usually played at least one game of go, as had become their habit, but by the afternoons they became involved in other activities. Some days they spent in his study as he reviewed scrolls that had been left there. He never said what they contained and she never asked, but he always ensured she had something herself to read while he was otherwise engaged. 

Other days, they would walk through the garden or to the village, allowing Sesshomaru the opportunity to oversee its day to day function. The village was much larger than she'd initially realized; there were dozens of houses with a variety of yokai with different skills to offer. Some yokai, like the horse family she'd learned were Haruto's cousins, used their talents to plow and grow groups in the land. Others, like the butterfly yokai seamstress and the fire spirit who operated a blacksmith, used their yokai abilities in vastly different ways.

And Sesshomaru oversaw it all. Every once in awhile, he would leave the cave and return with another yokai to join the growing village, but he seemed careful with those he brought into the valley beyond the cave path that lay deep within the mountain.

"Why do you keep looking for more to bring here?" she asked him one day, unable to push back her curiosity. 

He was silent for a moment. "Humans kill more of our kind each day. Many would petition for the safety within this one's barrier if they but knew of it. In time, it is possible only yokai of great strength may survive."

She sensed more than heard his melancholy at the idea that the world was changing, that eventually the world wouldn't belong to the yokai at all. 

"That's true," she replied, thinking of her own time and the disappearance of the yokai. Perhaps this was one way of circumventing that, though humans would never know of it. "Can I help?"

Sesshomaru shook his head slightly.

She sighed. "I see. Will you ask me to leave then?"

"You are the only priestess granted refuge here," he commented after a moment. "Do you wish to leave?"

Kagome felt pretty special in that moment. And though it would mean leaving her friends behind, she shook her head. They had their own lives now and there was nothing wrong with her pursuing her own, even if she felt guilty about it. "I like it here," she told him quietly. 

"Hnn." He didn't say anything else but she guessed he was pleased nonetheless.

"I should tell the others what happened, though." She looked up at the inuyokai next to her. 

"This one will deliver a scroll on his next excursion," he offered and she smiled.

.

More time passed. Rin left seclusion with her husband, but she and Haruto had taken an interest in working on growing Sesshomaru's garden. They were still restricted, she learned, for another year, designed to allow the couple time to focus on their relationship before children came along. Only family was supposed to interact with them so Kagome saw little of the two and she strove not to seek out Rin unless Rin first showed that she wanted Kagome to. 

Eventually, the end of their restrictions came and went and along with it came the news that Rin was with child. Haruto was overjoyed and a pleasant mood settled over the shiro.

That night, after the announcement was made, Kagome lay out in the gardens stargazing.

"Will this be a regular habit of yours?" Sesshomaru asked with mild resignation as he approached her. 

"Perhaps," Kagome said casually but she knew it would be. "You should try it sometime."

"Hnn." As he had the last time he'd found her out lying in the grass, he sat down beside her. "What troubles you?"

"Rin's having a baby," Kagome commented. "But the baby will be human, right? So it'll come and go long before..." She trailed off, not quite willing to speak her own recent understanding aloud. The jewel had left its taint even after the seal had dissipated and so Kagome wouldn't age like normal humans. She wasn't sure what her lifespan would be thanks to its meddling but she had the feeling it would vastly eclipse Rin's own—and likely that of her children.

"Her descendants will be cared for," he replied, his voice carefully flat. "Haruto will ensure that until his own passing and then this one will."

"Why if they don't want to stay here?" 

He had an odd look on his face at her question. "Then they may leave. This one will not dictate their lives any more than Rin's. They may seek mates here or outside the barrier, they may live here or leave. It is up to them."

She wondered how lonely it would be when her human friends passed on. Sango, she'd learned from the reply she'd gotten from the scroll Sesshomaru had delivered for her, had given birth to her fifth child. InuYasha and Aiko had already produced two children and would likely produce many more. They'd understood why she'd left, or at least, or at least Sango and Miroku had, and had only encouraged her to visit when she could. She'd asked Sesshomaru if she could do so annually and he hadn't replied, leaving her to accept that that was the closest she'd ever get to his permission one way or the other.

"What about you?" she asked softly.

He looked at her, for the first time looking stunned. "What about this one?"

"Don't you want children?" she pressed, willing him not to look away.

"This one has no need of heirs here." His response was so taciturn that she gave up pressing him for more.

"I want them," she said quietly instead. "Someday." 

"Hnn." Sesshomaru didn't say anything more and Kagome didn't press the subject. She had already felt her heart begin to shift and, with a depressed air, realized that children were no more likely for her now than they'd be for Sesshomaru.

.

More years passed. Rin had begun to visibly age, though her husband showed slower signs of it. She'd welcomed her fourth child recently and now the shiro was full of the laughter of children. The oldest had just reached ten and it wouldn't be long before her son would have to decide the path he'd want to take his life.

Sesshomaru had reassured her years ago that if Rin's children chose to return, they'd be allowed to do so, so she had stopped worrying. She found that she loved Rin's children almost as much as she was sure she'd love her own, but still, her heart panged for the family she didn't have.

She also continued her visits with her friends in the village by the well. Kaede had passed on some time before and Sango's oldest daughters had both married, one of whom had already brought into being Sango's first grandchild. Miroku and Sango had been delighted beyond belief as they'd proudly shown off the baby to Kagome, but Kagome had noticed first the white hair on her friends' hair and knew it was only a matter of time before they both left her. Part of her had been tempted to ask Sesshomaru to bring her friends and their children into their village but when she saw the bonds they all had within their own village, she changed her mind. She couldn't be selfish and pull them from the only life they'd ever known, the life they'd made for themselves, for her own selfish needs.

Kagome continued to think about the changes life had wrought as she lay out in the grass.

"Do you enjoy disturbing the servants?" Sesshomaru asked as he settled down beside her.

"Oh, they're fine, Sesshomaru. You worry too much," Kagome said, shaking off his concern.

He was silent for a moment and then observed, "You are not aging."

She gaped at him, though she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. Of _course_ Sesshomaru would notice; why wouldn't he? Nothing ever seemed to escape his attention in anything from go to Kagome herself. "No, I'm not."

"Hnn." He stared at her and she felt uncomfortably like a school science fair experiment. "It is nice," he added after a moment, "to know this one will have a companion."

He didn't say anything else, even when she prompted him, and Kagome was wound tight with frustration. If Sesshomaru noticed, he gave no indication.

.

More grandchildren of Sango's and Miroku's came into the picture, followed by InuYasha's first grandson and, later, Rin's. Rin's eldest son had left the barrier as Kagome had suspected he would but later returned with a very human wife, heavily pregnant. The child had been born just days later.

She knew it wouldn't be much longer before she started losing her friends and she found herself relying more and more on Sesshomaru's quiet strength.

"Rin's grandson is a handsome boy," she remarked as they began their customary morning game of go.

"Hnn." Sesshomaru's eyes didn't shift up from the board.

"I'm sure he'll be popular when he's older," she continued. "I still can't believe Rin's son married the youngest daughter of a daimyo and managed to persuade her to come back here to live with him. Of course, now her other children have quite the legacy to live up to, don't you think?"

"Hnn," Sesshomaru said again.

"I wonder who the other children will marry." Kagome sighed, too lost in thought to even realize she was speaking aloud. "I wonder what their children will look like. It's a little weird to be surrounded by everyone else's children but mine. Do you know my friends always thought I'd be the first to marry?"

Sesshomaru paused, his claws holding his stone just above where he intended to set it. "You wish for young," he commented flatly.

She put her hands on her stomach as she considered his reply. "I think I do." She looked up at him, unaware of how wistful her expression was.

He placed the stone carefully before meeting her gaze. "To whom should this one give his permission?" he asked carefully.

She blinked and then understood. "No one. No one's asked me to marry them, Sesshomaru. It doesn't matter, anyway; I'm not going to just marry anyone because I want a baby. That's not fair to them or me."

He seemed to study her. "Then you do not intend to have children."

She wasn't sure it was a question but answered him anyway. "I'd like them," she said, trying to keep the hope out of her voice, "but no, I don't think I'll be able to have them."

His gaze dropped back to the board. "Your scent is fertile," he said, evidently misunderstanding her reluctance. "Whatever ceased your aging did not prohibit you from conceiving."

She flushed, surprised after all this time that he could still make her blush so easily. "Thanks," she said awkwardly, "but that's not what I meant." She sensed his confusion more than saw it and explained, "I don't want just anyone to be the father of my children, Sesshomaru."

"So there is someone you have in mind," he said, his posture stiff.

Kagome wasn't really sure what had caused him to react this way but she wanted to relieve his tension as best she could. "It doesn't matter," she said, striving to sound dismissive.

Hot golden eyes looked up to meet hers. "It matters to this one."

She stared at him. "Why?" she asked, taken aback. 

But Sesshomaru didn't reply, no matter how she tried to prod him into answering her.

.

The next few days, Sesshomaru's behavior was just odd. He kept his distance from her, even blowing off their customary go games, and if he ever noticed her sprawled out in his garden to puzzle out the change in his behavior, he never approached her and never said anything. In fact, it seemed like he was going out of his way to ignore her.

Finally, annoyed, Kagome cornered him in his room, slamming the screen shut behind her as if that would somehow cut off his escape.

Sesshomaru seemed to freeze with surprise as she approached him, uncaring that it was the middle of the night and he was clearly dressed for bed. It was the only time she could guarantee he wouldn't try to leave. If she woke him up and invaded his personal space, she guessed she'd have at least a few moments surprise to make him understand she wasn't leaving without answers.

Uncaring of what he might think of her, she pinned him to the futon, though she knew he could easily break her hold. "Stop hiding," she hissed at him, allowing her irritation to show. "You aren't a demon who's afraid of seeking what he wants, Sesshomaru, _s__o stop avoiding me._"

His hand had moved to pull her off him gently but he stopped at her words. "You should not be here," he said, his tone indifferent as his golden eyes flashed in the dim moonlight streaming into the room.

"Shut up." She glowered at him. "I don't know why you have a burr up your butt, Sesshomaru, but I want it out."

He stared at her and she realized absently that he wouldn't understand the very thoroughly American expression. Kagome had watched too many of the foreign movies growing up as they'd been her father's favorite but she hadn't realized until just then how much of an impact it must have had. "There is nothing in this one's rear," he told her stiffly, sounding offended that she'd even say as much.

"Oh for the love of—" she bit off the last word. "Never mind. It's just an expression, Sesshomaru. Why does me wanting children bother you so much? It's not like I'm asking you to have them, too."

His claw clenched in her clothing.

She was too frustrated by his silence and something seemed to snap within her. "I don't press you, I don't invade your space or your boundaries and I let you have your secrets, Sesshomaru, because I'm your friend, _but I have had enough_." She shook him, a little more roughly than she intended. "You're going to tell me what's going on if it kills me."

"I would not kill you." His hands reached out to remove hers from him, though he had to struggle to do so without harming her. 

"That's not what I meant," she growled back. "And you know it. And you can just—wait. Did you just—"

"Kagome," he interrupted, sounding weary. "Be quiet."

"Oh, no, Sesshomaru, there's no way you can just do something like _that_ and then try and brush it off." She struggled as he held her hands to the floor on either side of him, preventing her from reaching out to shake him again as she wanted.

"If you will not seek your own bed to sleep, that is your choice," he said, looking away. "But it is late and I would like to sleep."

"Then I'll just sleep here," Kagome said mulishly, more to prove her point that she wasn't leaving without answers.

Sesshomaru's eyes widened. "You would sleep here...?" His reply was slow, careful.

If he was trying to give her the chance to back down, she wasn't going to take it. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

His hands tightened around her wrists. "If you stay," he continued just as carefully, "then you accept what will occur."

"Right, right, just as soon as I get—"

Sesshomaru kissed her. She froze and then melted against him and, moments later, he'd rolled them so that he was pressed against her now instead of the other way around. He deepened the kiss, growling when she tried to move in surprise. He kept her hands at her side, ignoring how she strained to move them around his neck.

"Sesshomaru!" She gasped as his mouth moved from her lips down along her jaw. "You—"

"Submit to me, Kagome," he breathed in her ear, "and I will ensure you have everything you seek... Mate."

He bit lightly on her earlobe before sucking on it just as his hands moved, one shifting to hold her hands above her head while the other cupped her jaw, angling her head so he could make his way down her neck.

"Sesshomaru," she tried again, struggling to think, "you—"

His golden eyes seemed a little brighter, a little more amber than pure gold, as they flicked up to her face. "Yes?" he purred as she lost her train of thought. He nipped her neck and then blew on the warm flesh. "What is your answer, Kagome?"

She whimpered as his hand moved to brush casually across her chest. "You want this?" she finally choked out.

He chuckled, the sound seeming to race straight through her. "Do _you_?" he challenged. "You have been tempting me for so long..."

Kagome lost every lost thought left in her brain as he kissed her again. When he repeated the question, it was all she could do to nod. And that was all Sesshomaru needed.

.

When Kagome woke the next morning, she found herself wrapped in Sesshomaru's arms, his white hair mingling with her own dark strands as the hair fluttered around their nude bodies. 

"How do you feel?" he asked, pulling her closer into his warm.

She wiggled her toes as she considered his question. "Fine," she said with a quiet hum. "Better than fine."

He chuckled and she decided she could grow use to that sound. "I am glad to hear that, because I find that once was not enough."

And Sesshomaru, to her delight and surprise, started all over again.


End file.
